So you've heard my grumblings. My frusterations with motherhood...the mommy meltdowns. Well, this weekend I've had one of those Ah-ha! moments.
I attended a Young Lives coordinators weekend last night and this morning (For those of you who don't know, Young Lives is Young Life-a Christian youth ministry- for teen moms). Anyhow, I'm not a coordinator, but am praying along with my best pal Selene about if God is leading us down that road. Anywho, not my point...I'm sort of convinced God may have had me there for one reason. To hear the devotions led by a couple of gals. It was short and sweet and cut to the heart of me.
As you've heard me rant...I've been struggling through this "season" of motherhood. I'm feeling lost, unproductive in my life in general, aggitated, impatient with my kids...like I've kind of lost me (cuz, this is all about me, right? JK). It's this odd feeling of working all the time, but NOTHING getting done. My house is a mess, my kids act like crazies in public, like I'm not doing anything significant for the Lord. Anyhow, this gal was sharing a devotional. The scripture was from 1 Chronicles 4:23 "And these were the potters, and the ones who dwell among the plants and hedges. There they dwelt with the king, for his work".
I'm just going to quote the devotional taken from the book Streams in the Dessert by LB Cowman, which I also happen to own but haven't ever made it through the book. This is from Nov 12th.
We may dwell "with the King for his work" anywhere and everywhere.We may be called to serve him in the most unlikely places and under adverse conditions. It may be out in the countryside, far away from the King's many activities in the city. Or it maybe "among plants and hedges" of all kinds-hindrances tha t surround us, blocking our way. perhaps we will be on of the "potters", with our hands full of all types of pottery, accomplishing our daily tasks.
It makes no difference! The King who place us "there" will come and dwell with us. The hedges, or hindrances, are right for us, or He will quickly remove them. And doesn't it stand to reason that whatever seems to block our way may also provide for our protection? As for the pottery-it is exactly what He has seen fit to place in our hands and is for now "his work".
Brightly colored sunsets and starry heavens, majestic mountains and shining seas, fragrant fields and fresh cut flowers are not even half as beautiful as a soul who is serving Jesus out of love, through the wear and tear of an ordinary, unpoetic life.
WOW. I felt like she was talking directly to me! Ah-ha! This IS what God wants me to doing. HE will be right here dwelling with me as I learn to serve Jesus out of love by loving my kids! He thinks my ordinary unpoetic life is beatiful if I'm focuse on loving him by serving my family.
As someone who's been involved in "ministry" all of her adult life, I have felt like I'm spinning my wheels this past year. I just haven't felt like I'm really serving the Lord. I have had to step out of high school ministry which I love, because it just wasn't working with our family. I realized I"ve been feeling really inconvenienced by this stage of my life. How selfish am I? sheesh. Going anywhere is difficult, having a simple phone conversations is nearly impossible...Honestly, I've felt "hindered" by my kids. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. I enjoy my kids. I've just not been able to figure out to find that internal satisfaction and balance. It just really hit me today. I am a potter, with hands full of tasks...tasks that He has seen fit to put in my hands...HIS WORK. I do feel that "wear and tear" but if my soul is lined up towards Jesus, loving him, my ordinary mundane life is exactly where he wants me and he is pleased with what I'm doing. What a peace that struck me this morning. I feel a huge sense of relief. Thank You Lord for loving me even though it takes me a while to get it!