Sunday, November 4, 2007

Are you okay?

This is what my hubby asked me today in that nice, concerned voice. As in..."Are you going to lose it one of these days?"

Sweet and kind...trying to say it nicely. aaahhhh. He said he wonders if I'm happy sometimes. I said, sometimes I wonder that too! I could't help but laugh a little...but deep down I know this is a challenging "season"...I hope it's just a season.

Jack REFUSES to go to sleep on his own. Yesterday morning I decided..."today is the day kid, you're going to have to cry it out". An hour and a half later...he was still screaming. I pick him up and 30 seconds later, he's asleep. What a STINK! last night, Hayden had a major freak out...screaming kicking...I think he was awake, but you never know. He could've been dreaming. He was just acting like he was throwing a major fit!

Then Jack decided to wake up and hang out from about 2-4 am. Ugh. That does not make me happy! I really appreciate my husbands sensitivity to it...he's really good about understanding. And letting me have space.

And, I am happy. Just not in the gushy mushy happy kind of way. More in the, "I'll laugh when I look back at it" kind of way. Make sense? This month has been tough on me. I'm tired physically and emotionally. I'm trying to gear myself up for basketball season (mid Nov-Feb) where i know my husband's availablity will be scarce.

I was just reading in Hayden's scrap book from stuff when he was said, "You were so calm and sweet right from the start". HA! What happened to THAT kid? I do love him. When it's good, it's really good. When it's not, it's really not. That's it. Sorry if I sound depressing! Just venting.


Julie said...

eryn, thats what these blogs are are not are being real...and I'm totally there with ya. There are moments in this 'season' that I just want to hold onto forever and others that I feel will never pass. Last night, I had a girls night with my sister in laws and I got a call from Ryan asking me to come home because Caden wouldn't take a bottle and was screaming for 3 hours straight. All I could do on the way home was think...'this too will pass'. Hang in there. I would love to watch your boys for a day or something! Lets set it up.

Michelle P said...

It gets better girls. That is a hard time with two little ones two years apart. I had those days too, and still do sometimes. It does get easier as they got older. Ditto and the watching your kids for you! We're here for you baby!